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56. Healing the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style with Rachael Besser

Updated: Sep 13



Episode available on:

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This week I am talking with shadow work coach Rachael Besser about healing our fearful avoidant attachment styles. During the conversation we define fearful avoidant attachment style aka disorganized attachment style. We share what it felt like to find out about our attachment style and how we began to heal. We share tools and exercises we did start getting to a secure attachment style. We even share the benefits of this attachment style and how hypervigilance is intuition in disguise. Then we share what we thought secure attachment style was supposed to be and what it actually is in reality. We have so many laughs along the way. If you are healing your attachment style this episode is for you!


Resources discussed:

Book - The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

Personal Development School


Quotes from Rachael Besser:

"Conflict is the entry point for a deeper connection."


"I think they mentioned fearful avoidance specifically in a section of the book (The Body Keeps the Score) and say that when someone who is addicted to chaos, AKA the fearful avoidant, when there's a certain amount of peace in their life for a certain amount of time, they will go out of their way to subconsciously create that chaos again, because the chaos is in the comfort zone or their comfort zone is in the chaos."


"I've noticed that you have to have that moment a certain amount of times before you can really depersonalize or disidentify from it and really say, no, I am perpetuating this pattern. I'm contributing. I'm participating in this dynamic."


"The secret here is I feel like is approaching it with that mindset of it's just practice, takes the pressure off yourself and for a fearful avoidant who usually has huge programming around perfectionism and needing to do things right."


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