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25. How to heal your attachment style with relationship manifestation coach Amanda Blair

Updated: Feb 3, 2022

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I am so excited for today’s guest Amanda Blair. She is a relationship manifestation coach for To Be Magnetic that focuses on attachment theory.

She discusses how she found attachment theory, the different attachment types, and how to start healing your attachment style.

Amanda defines each attachment type, anxious preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, fearful-avoidant, secure, and earned secure.

For the anxious preoccupied she recommends setting and keeping boundaries. And using points of neediness as deal-breakers. So if you’re going on a date and the person you’re meeting up with is late and that makes you feel all kinds of ways then you know that punctuality is a deal-breaker for you. Let the anxiety show you what is important to you. For dismissive avoidants, she recommends feeling your feelings AT ALL TIMES. I loved her suggestion of using a feelings chart to get into the right brain process of actually feeling your feelings. I have found that to be so helpful!

One of my favorite things that she points out is that there is so much grey area between the attachment types. We oscillate in the spectrum of anxious and avoidant all the time. She recommends using the labels of your attachment styles as a ladder rather than a cover hole.

I had an absolute blast talking with her. Isn’t she so funny! Listen to the full episode to learn more about healing your attachment type.

Show notes:

Resources Discussed:

P.S. Want to work on goal setting together? Join the Lit AF 2021 goal setting workshop on Wednesday, January 6th, 5-7 pm PST. I will provide worksheets, tools, and a framework to achieve your goals. We’ll start by reviewing your goals and accomplishments from 2020. Then we’ll set new goals for the following year. And finally, we will discover your limiting beliefs around your goals so you are set up for success. As a bonus, I will also share a mid-year worksheet so you can check in mid-way through 2021 and see how you’re doing.

Quotes from Amanda Blair:

“Attunement is very different than presence. Presence is just like you're physically there. And attuning means the parent was looking you in the eyes, you know, when you're a baby paying attention to your needs and meeting those needs.”

“What is really important to note is that attachment theory, isn't black and white, the styles are very gray and it's fluid. So you can be anxious but have avoidant tendencies and you can be avoidant, dismissive and have anxious tendencies.”

“Something that I like to say about labels is if you use them as a ladder, they're great. If you use them as a cover whole to shut you into a black hole inside of your brain and you have to get rid of them. So ladder, meaning you use it to climb out of something.”

“I thought that way for so long too, like there was something inside me that felt fundamentally broken and that I was just destined, you know, I was like the only one in the world that couldn't be healed.”

“We have to reprogram it so that you're getting into the subconscious and you're quite literally changing your software. That's how you upgrade your software.”

“You're manifesting from your subconscious and your subconscious is full of blocks and limiting beliefs. So you wonder why nothing is coming through.”

“You're not broken. You can have the life that you dream of. You can have the relationship you dream of. I don't care how long you've been single. I don't care what relationships you had in the past. It doesn't mean that you can't do that now and in the present. So if you are wanting to change your life, you absolutely 100% can.“

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