Updated: Feb 3, 2022
Episode available on:
Today on Lit AF, I am excited to invite the super fun Rebecca Schwartz, host of the Dating in the Bae podcast, to talk all things dating! Here’s the thing: she tells us today how dating is actually simple and much more fun than we consider it to be!
Rebecca discusses every aspect of dating with us today - the glam, the ghosting, the rejection, and the surprise learnings; we have everything covered. We learn why dating only gets better with practice, that messing up is okay, why choice paradox hurts dating in the long term, and how to have small wins.
Let’s be real, dating is hard. We often fail to acknowledge our courage of showing up after every bad attempt - you’re brave and didn’t give up. We discuss the important of giving yourself major credit for showing up and doing a hard thing.
Beyond dating Rebecca and I discuss healing our attachment styles, loving yourself first, and the instant connection you feel with someone when their energy matches yours. She also shares some hilarious dating experiences, which you’ll surely enjoy listening to!
Here are some quick dating tips from Rebecca -
We are all resilient beings - we need to realize that every time we decide to show up on a date, we’re learning to not give up.
Every rejection is only teaching you something new. Dating is also a practice; you learn it in steps to master it.
We all have at some point been ghosted. Breathe, none of this matters so much.
Dating is all about matching energies. Figure out what works best for your energy - in-person meeting, online dating?
Focus on yourself. Dating breaks are a healthy choice to make.
Be in your best energy, be positive, and have fun on first dates. If you’re not in the mood for fun then reschedule the date.
Reward yourself for showing up.
Discover your attachment style to make healthy dating choices.
Connect with Rebecca:
Sarah's episode on Dating in the Bae - 50 Shades of Bae - Shadow Work and the Subconscious Mind
Something to Live For - Book by Richard Roper
Getting Past Your Breakup - Susan J. Elliott
Quotes from Rebecca Schwartz:
“I think I've learned [from dating] how much more resilient we all are, we're constantly facing rejection, disappointment, all these feelings that are not particularly pleasant. But you can redirect them into something positive.”
“Our little strong hearts just always are still so strong. And we're always like, still trying. And I think that keeping everybody in the game and not giving up, that's kind of what my goal is like, I don't want people to give up and I don't want them to get jaded or bitter.”
“You can mess up and it doesn't matter. And that's the thing. Everything is practice.”
“I'll say that modern dating today, as it currently is, is insanely hard. It's just not a normal environment to be swiping and kind of shopping around and super casual and just treating people like they're not a person.”
“The Paradox of Choice is the most rampant problem in the dating app culture, I think it's kind of just this idea that you can always find somebody else to go out with - so you write somebody off for some really small thing.”
“You have little tangible wins that you can start seeing. And then that's how you can start growing more, this actually does change incrementally and my energy changes. And that's how you start getting wins. Once you have a win, and another win, and then that kind of snowballs. And that is how everything I think starts ending up working better in our favor.”
“If you don't like dating apps, like don't use dating apps, if you don't like meeting people in real life, don't do that, but you have to figure out kind of what is good for your own energy sake and not deplete the whole energy supply.”
“Let's pause and take off the mirror there. Let's take a nap because we're tired. I think breaks are really healthy.”
“One of my favorite tips that I always use on myself is, if I’m going on a first date, in particular, I'll always plan something afterwards to reward myself.”
“You don't go to a Warrior's game on the first day. Because I love The Warriors. But if you go with somebody who has anger management issues that you only find out about after a couple minutes in, you're stuck with somebody who is angry in the audience."
“If you can suggest something to your date that they could improve, that's fixable within 30 seconds, you should give them that feedback in real time. Because it might make you like them more.”